The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
