she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
