The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
