if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
