Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Non-Jews are for practice
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
