I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
