dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
