I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
my being single is dangerous.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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