don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
