I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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