All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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