it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize
