handjob tips. give me some.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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