I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
