I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i believe in u and ur pee
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
