Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
