I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
