Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
