You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
