have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
