I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
