New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
