I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
