i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
