dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
