who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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