I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
