dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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