he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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