I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
