So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
