I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
