her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Are we still banned from the library?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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