never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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