I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
