She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
pray to the hookup gods
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
