Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
