I want to make a zoo with you.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I don't think brook has ever known best
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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