you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
