so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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