I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
