How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
