So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
