I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
