Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
