Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
