Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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