If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
