I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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