the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
