fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
