Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
