My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
