Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
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yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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