i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
