Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
