When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
