i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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