I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
