he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
What drink are we having for lunch?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
