Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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