Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
