I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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