i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
