I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
