yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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