I heard we made out
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
