we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
