In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
