just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
