I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
