I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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