it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
