Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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